How to get stuck on the side of the road By:KinG JaKe

I know everyone is looking back at this past year, and saying, “Gee I didn’t get stuck on the side of the road even once.” Well don’t worry I can help get you there. First step is to stop caring about your bike. This means no washing, checking tire pressure, or oil levels. Also, if you have the habit of taking pride in things, you’re gonna want to quit that, or you’ll overdo it and it won’t seem genuine. Remember, your letting it go to get dirty on its own, not by smearing it with mud.  Don’t cheat and you’ll feel more successful in the long run.  Just ride and the dirt will come. Second step is to not service your bike. Remember oil has lasted 1000’s of years underground, it will be fine.  Once again after this step, you just ride. Some of you are like “O yea Jake like that’s gonna work,” saying “I’ve been running my bike for the past year like that and it hasn’t quit on me yet!” Well don’t worry we’re not to the end yet. Next we’re gonna have you: tune your own carb. or fuel injection, drill holes in your exhaust, wire in your own accessory lights, and fix any rattle or squeak with bailing wire!  Once this is done your gonna start doing burn outs and launching the bike.  This may seem exciting, and even get you in the racing mood, but remember, if you have properly done the steps up till now your bike should be a jigsaw puzzle of bailing wire and duck tape. So actual racing is frowned apon.  Remember, were not looking for speed,  just breakage.

This should pretty well do it. Now we’re finally on the side of the road!  Remember bright clothing may help show off your success, but it also makes you way too visible. How are you going to struggle if everyone can see you?  They might want to help out… This is not good.  In these situations, it’s best to anger easily, and have an aggressive nature.  Lastly always, and I mean always remember to bring with you only two tools.  This will help give you the appearance of progress, when really your going no where! Vise grips and a hammer are recommended, but any two tools will do.   If this hasn’t helped you get stuck on the side of the road,  remember you can always just ride till the gas runs out!  For more useful tips on how to break things, stop by our shop, and talk to me in person!